So Taguchi's House of Super Fun Time

Monday, March 27, 2006

Who Do You Love?

I'm going to admit that I'm sorta-kinda stealing this topic from an unnamed columnist (damn you Chuck Klosterman!), but it got me thinking - which between recent lack of sleep and excessive drinking is something to behold these days.

Question: Are the people we recognize as excelling (in sports, entertainment, politics,business, etc) people that we would enjoy hanging out with and call friends?

To me the answer is no, but I'm not sure the reason has something to do with some affinity I have towards underdogs and slackers in general, or if there is something deeper.

Example: Most people recognize Tiger Woods as the world's best golfer bar none and Phil Mickelson as somewhere farther down the list. The image of Tiger is ubercompetitve, focused, unyielding, etc. while Phil is a bit of a goof, slightly overweight, fratboyishly handsome, genial, doesn't practice hard, etc.

But - and maybe this is the yardstick we should use to measure this - who would rather spend a weekend in Vegas with? Tiger would be the guy at the Blackjack table, screaming at other players making bad plays in front of him, and over-celebrating at every opportunity. Just because he's "Tiger" does this make him more cool than the top insurance salesman from Wauseon, OH who is doing the same thing at the $10 table?

Phil, on the other hand, would have a running commentary going with the entire table, would be overtipping the dealer at every opportunity, would be busting your balls without being an ass.

The end of the night with Phil would invariably involve a limo ride out to Lake Mead with a leggy book editor from Harper Collins, a promising dirty blonde singer/songwriter from a Southwestern state and maybe a waitress getting her masters in art history (because, um, as you know, these are the types of people that hang out in Vegas - work with me people, it's my fantasy). Tiger's posse would still be in his suite trying not to look like they're purposely losing to him in Madden 2005.

Now, of course, it's possible to be respected for your craft and be very likable - unless Bono is keeping wifebeating under wraps, there is nobody that can rival him in either category - uh, in a strictly non-homoerotic way of course. The Arts are a different category here though. In general, in order to reach the top of your profession, you have to master qualities that are dickhead-ish (Word O' the Day) in nature. AND, it is difficult to compartmentalize these qualities from your everyday life. AND if you do mange to do this, are you not being true to yourself?

Wow, I've just managed to depress myself again - better luck next time.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Election Eve Diary '04

6:33 - We are here live in Kirkwood, MO! I am joined by family, friends, as well as cheeseball, summer sausage and bread pudding.

CNN is the coverage of choice. Judy Woodruff looks positively fetching in an all red ensemble - last week's RFT was correct, she is truly a GILF. Jeff Greenfield and Bob Schneider: America unanimously votes for stomach crunches.

6:40 - Uh-oh, Bush takes WV and IN. Kerry is on his way to Stuckey's to return his John Deere hat.

6:51 - That wonderful bald eagle commercial is on. Thank you coal companies for cleaning our air and water! It is followed by a Cialis commercial. If the eagle is dying of black lung, maybe a hard-on will take its mind off of imminent death.

Paula Zahn is wearing one those headphone/microphone deals along with Carville, Tucker, Novak and Begala. They look like a boy band. Tucker is so dreamy - he is singing "Bob, wants it that way."

7:27 - Uh-oh, first sign of trouble in FLA. Bush is dominating the central corridor moreso than in '00. Of course, he cheated in '00, so maybe it's a push.

7:43 - Judy's hair is changing throughout the evening. She started off very Marlo Thomas "That Girl"- ish. Now the bangs are starting to part - hellloooo forehead. Somewhere Farrah approves.

Bread pudding coma is beginning to kick in. Must fight sleep...if I give in, the terrorists have already won.Meanwhile, Paula is an absolute vision in gold. Ms. Zahn you have graduated cum laude from the Electoral College of Style. More whiskey please.

7:55 - Random comment from the senile crowd: "Hey, NJ went to Kerry!" Yeah, like an hour ago. I make mental note to include this person in next fantasy baseball draft.

8:11 - Somebody just melted the cryogenically frozen body of Bob Woodward. With Larry King interviewing him, they look like one of those animatronic displays at Disneyworld.Larry asks Bob, "So, in "Plan of Attack" you laid out how the Bush administration decided to go to war with Iraq for no apparent reason. Do you think all Bush voters are illiterate?" Sorry, must have drifted off there for a second.

8:35 - Apparently, a vertically-challenged lesbian has been put in charge of Seante races on CNN. Anderson Cooper is walking her around the set. Awww, it's so cute! I wonder if Anderson gets to keep her after tonight - I'm sure he would provide a good home.MS and LA just went to Bush. A strong position on the dentistry issue seems to have hurt Kerry.

8:44 - Same person in crowd asks, "Who's winning NJ?" Time to leave.

9:14 - After a short break we are looking LIVE @ MSNBC from the plush comfort of Chez Raz in south St. Louis City, where the polls don't close until a screaming, red-faced Sen. Kit Bond says so. Special guests include Tullamore Dew whiskey, pixie sticks, Pepperidge Farm Milanos and Skoal Long Cut Wintergreen.

9:17 - Miami takes the lead! Redhawk power!

9:40 - Upset of the Night: No soft-core on Cinemax. This is clearly a repudiation of Kerry's liberal social agenda - not a good omen. Yes, I may be drunk at this point.

9:55 - Miami wins!

9:59 - Bob Novak is making sense. It's official - I'm drunk.

10:10 - Larry King is aimlessly wandering around the set. Judy must have hidden his Metamucil again. The studio audience outside is hushed as Wolf guides him back to his chair.

10:29 - Anderson Cooper is now reviewing "referendums on the ballot for states in the Union." I guess he's leaving out the Confederacy for this particular report. Anderson has moved on to discuss gay marriage iniatives, but his diminuative lesbian friend is nowhere to be found. Wolf Blitzer confides to Larry that this bears watching throughout the evening.

10:58 - Carville is giving up - uh-oh. Ohio may be lost and, Scarlett, I fear the Union may be as well.

11:15 - "Emanuelle in Rio" is on Cinemax. There is hope for Kerry after all.

11:37 - Folksy wisdom from Dan Rather:"This election is now crackling like hickory thrown on a fire.""Let's catch you up if you have been putting the baby to bed or popping the cap on an adult beverage."

11:55 - Chris Matthews has burst in the CNN studio and has clobbered Larry King with a steel chair. NOOO! NOOOO!

12:25 - Ok, it's clear it's all up to Ohio. Why is it so difficult to look at what are precincts are left and tell me if Bush will win, so I can go to bed and move to Canada in the morning?

12:49 - Ron Silver and Ron Reagan, Jr. are commentators on MSNBC.Really, I am not making this up.

1:13 - No final decision because of Ohio. My home state will now be a national punchline for two weeks. Swell. A nation turns its lonely eyes to you

.1:15 - Goodnight Judy.

Culture Whore 2: Electric Bugaloo

Cause even the Asian girls like the Bangkok.
- Dr. Dre

So, while running the park this little nugget popped through my Ipod. And for some reason I could not stop giggling the rest of the run. When the homeless start looking at you like you're crazy, it may be time to reevaluate your sense of humor. That, plus it's really hard to run fast when you are laughing.

In fact, I think every cultural group should have a Dre quote: Cause even Polish girls like the Krakow. Feel free to contribute on the ehnic group of your choosing and discuss amongst yourself...