What I learned in Chicago this weekend

1.) Puddles of slush may be MUCH deeper than they appear.

2.) You should wear socks in Chicago in February.

3.) You will wait in line in Chicago. What is cool and underground does not stay underground like in STL.

4.) Whatever crappy restaurant reviews that you receive, it will be surpassed by Italian beefs at Portillo's and anything in Chinatown.

5.) You don't see many pets running around in Chinatown - hmm, must be the weather.

6.) Gino's East sucks.

7.) Sicillian cab drivers believe that the Polish are hardworking drunks that will be ultimately unsuccessful in life because they are not dishonest.

8.) Sicillian cabbies should shut-the-fuck-up if they expect a tip from a Polish person.

9.) You should see Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind:

http://www.neofuturists.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=20&Itemid=45

10.) Mexican dudes don't like when you yell, "Si se puede!" at them.

11.) Neither do Mexican chicas.

12.) What the hell, isn't Obama from Illinois?

13.) Girls can't be trusted to get movie times correct.

14.) They should put this sign on Michigan Avenue:

"We're consumers. Yeah. Okay, okay. Buy a lot of stuff, you're a good citizen. But if you don't buy a lot of stuff, if you don't, what are you then, I ask you? What? Mentally *ill*. Fact, if you don't buy things - toilet paper, new cars, computerized yo-yos, electrically-operated sexual devices, stereo systems with brain-implanted headphones, screwdrivers with miniature built-in radar devices, voice-activated computers..."

15.) I spent $286 on Michigan Avenue.

16.) Ai and Frontera are overrated (see Gino's East)

17.) A homeless guy in Cartharts by the Chicago River believes that Russian subs are off the Eastern seaboard ready to attack Atlanta, DC and NY.

18.) I believe him and so should you.

Catholic Fascists

Who are these three men? No, they are not the "before" mugs of a Nutri-system commercial. (In just 40 days I lost 45 lbs by fasting during Lent and eating these delicious meals!).

The dude on the right is SLU's basketball coach who had the gall to appear at a Hillary Clinton rally and espouse his pro-choice and stem cell research views. The dude in the middle is the STL's Archbishop who went apeshit decreeing, it's "not possible to be a Catholic and hold those positions" and called for the University to discipline said coach. He then retired to his quarters with Eva Braun and his German Shepherds And the guy on the left is the President of SLU, who really should be in the middle as he has to deal with this crap.

This whole episode is emblematic of a not-so-subtle change that has occurred over the last 20 years. Growing up, I attended school taught by priests very similar to the Jesuits. They instilled values of working for social justice, thinking critically and making informed decisions consistent with your conscience. Religions classes would speak to many points of view on a particular subject, but not dictate which viewpoint was the "correct" one.

It seemed to me that the Catholic Church at that time was the faith of working class people and immigrants - a force against injustice in inner cities and Communist countries alike. Somewhere along the line that has changed. A decision was made, maybe not even consciously, to align more with right wing politics. Ask yourself if you can you envision the Archbishop getting his Mitre in a bunch about a pro-death penalty supporter? No chance.

The reasons for doing this are unclear to me. Are yesterdays working class and immigrants today's strip mall going, SUV driving ex-burb dwellers? Perhaps. Is it a money grab caused by the decline of churchgoing parishoners forcing the Church to rely more on rich, conservative suburbs? Maybe.

I don't have answers, but the whole thing is very sad to me. Church leaders have resorted to threatening the very people it should be embracing: socially active Catholics trying to make a difference. I'm afraid that Catholics have sold their souls to the money changers in the moral majority.

Super Bowl XLII Diary

4:59 Live from Wash Ave! I am joined by three friends, red wine, a bucket of hummus and lemon tarts from Whole Foods

5:00 The broadcast begins with a dramatic reading of the Declaration of Independence by former and current football players. Very well done - only qualm, Ronnie Lott's lines could have used subtitles.

5:19 Some American Idol chick is doing the national anthem.

Length of anthem: 1:54
Weight of singer: 197

Weight of singer > Length of anthem = First upset of the night! Check your prop bet tickets.

5:32 Player intros. Women start 30 min discussion of the origins of the name "Plaxico." This is why women should be banned from viewing any sporting event not involving skates.

5:42 Viewer 1: "You go little Eli!"
Viewer 2: "Eli and Peyton could be the first brother/sister combo to win the Super Bowl."

5:49 A "floater" to Wes Welker out in the flat. All sports terminology is either scatalogical or sexual in nature.

5:51 Mmmm. more wine...

6:08 A detergent ad pimps the url "mytalkingstain.com" They had to buy that addresss from Pat Robertson who had been using it to sell tricked up Shroud of Turin t-shirts.

6:10 I'm still laughing at my last entry

6:12 No more wine for Davey

6:32 I am thinking that we need celebrity announcers for the Super Bowl. I want to hear Sean Connery say, "Jacobs brusts a brig one up the grut. Yourve grot to grive the rrrock to the brig drog, man."

6:50 These lemon tarts are fabulous. Part cake, part cookie, part sunshine and tamborines.

7:42 The game is so boring that I am actively rooting for a catastophic injury - preferrably one involving an exposed bone.

7:44 Speaking of exposed bone, Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens is in the crowd. Awwright!

8:10 NY Giant Tight End Kevin"Boss" goes for a long gain. Their starting TE Jeremy "Shockey" is injured for tonight's game. No plays yet from their third TE, Peter "Muthafuckinlightning"

8:26 FOX Graphic:
"Pats took lead against Giants at 11:05 of the 4th qtr in Dec. game"
"Giants took lead against Pats at 11:06 of the 4th qtr tonight"
"Also, Abe Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy and JFK had a secretary named Lincoln"
"Lincoln and Kennedy both have seven letters"

8:31 The Giants apparently have a trainer that has been on the job since 1948. He's rubbed a lot of balm. He's a balm rubber from way back. He rubs balm.

8:56 Troy states, "Sometimes you just get a false sense of protection." I'm guessing he's speaking from an experience involving Croatian sailors and expired lamb skin condoms.

8:58 Touchdown Plaxico! Giants Win!
Women immediately revive catfight about his name.
Two leading theories:
He was either born in Plaxi County OR his mom really liked how the word "plexiglass" sounded.

9:07 Good night! Remember to watch the Sarah Connor Chronicles tomorrow night on FOX!