Prez Debate Diary

Nothing interesting to write about, so let's do the thing that writes itself - Debate Diary!

I am joined by two needy cats, Trader Joe's wine, a hot lady in a stocking cap and Papa John's new Indiana Jones XL pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms and black olives. USA v. Trinidad and Tobago soccer will be a part of the action via split screen viewing.

Anderson Cooper and Campbell Brown host the "Most populous political team on television." I may have even seen Marliyn Quayle hidden somewhere behind that Hispanic dude's eyebrows. Bob Schaeffer of CBS is our moderator. I am glad McCain will have someone to share potty breaks with.

8:05 - JM looks better tonight - more dapper and less angry. Maybe he got a gift certificate to where Rick Patino buys his suits and Bob Dole slipped him a Viagra.

8:20 - We have found the catch phrase of the night - Joe the Plumber - JM wants to lower his taxes, BO wants to raise his taxes - Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney want him released into the deep woods with only a bowie knife and duct tape so that they can redo "The Most Dangerous Game." Plumbers are good eating.

8:35 - JM just compared the Irish tax rate on businesses (11%) to the USA (35%). As the Irish have spent these tax breaks on blood sausage, poor dentistry and sheep, I don't understand his point. If elected, I would force the Irish to spend this savings on time management classes, deodorant and speech lessons. Feck ya!

8:40 - JM now wants to take both a hatchet and a scalpel to the budget. If he wants to get back i the race, he would make a commercial like those Direct TV ones that edit scenes from old movies. I see him taking a hatchet to Scatman Crother's chest ala "The Shining" and taking the scalpel to the "really big fat girl" in "Silence of the Lambs."

8:41 - Jozy Altidore takes on 4 T&T defenders to set up a cross.... GOOOOOOOAL! 1-1 in the 68th minute.

8:46 - Mr. Bob: "Gentlemen, why do you think your running mate is better than the other guy's?"

Obama: "Seriously? I cede my time to John. I can't wait to hear this shit."

Sorry, that was all of America's answer, not Obama's. My bad.

8:47 - I am 73% sure I just heard JM say about Palin: "she is a breast of freth air". I may be wrong. This Trader Joe wine is making JM sound like the ocean.

9:00 - Hot lady in the stocking cap thinks JM has a deviated septum because of his weird huffy nose noises he is making when annoyed at BO. I blame some bad guacamole from the Scottsdale Chili's (i want my baby back. baby back. riiiiiibs)

9:15 - Last question o' the night: "Our educational system sucks. What up players?" Bob waited until the last question to thug it up a little. Obama's answer: "Parents need to have their kids put away the video games and turn of the television." yesssss! I would add no fucking dessert until you take out the garbage. And stay off my lawn. Punk.

Quite a fun evening overall. I'll let Bill Bennett have the last word: "McCain has corrected crazies in the audience before. He told that one lady, 'Obama is not an Arab, he is a good man.' " Whaaa?