First Lady Breakdown

I really don't know much about the 2 potential First Ladies, so I thought I'd investigate the two and see what pops up. (Of course, I really don't know anything about Laura Bush either, but stay with me - I'm bored, ok?)


So, with that I shall break it down for ya.


break it down (v.)
1.)To dance; "Won't ya, uh, break it down, break it down fo me," -- Nelly (Errtime)
2.)To analyze a concept into simpler, easier to understand terms.
3.)To have sexual intercourse.


Just the #2 today, thank you...


ISSUE #1 - FASHION CHOICES

Good Cindy:

Bad Cindy:

Good Michelle:

Bad Michelle:

ADVANTAGE: Michelle - At least her "BAD" can be worn while parting the Red Sea. Cindy's "BAD" looks like she was in a domestic dispute with Uncle Sam ("Don't you point that finger at me, mister!")

ISSUE #2 - INTERESTING BIOGRAPHY NOTES

Cindy: Her family owns one of the largest A-B distributorships in the U.S. She had to go into rehab because of a Percoset/Vicodin addiction. She once had a special ed career at Aqua Fria High School in Arizona

Michelle: She once was a Board Member of a Wal-Mart supplier. Her brother is the basketball coach at Oregon State. Her first date with Barack was to see "Do the Right Thing."

ADVANTAGE: Cindy - C'mon, this one was easy. Booze, pills and retards? Good for her. Bonus points for "Aqua Fria" High School. Cold Water High School? Really?

ISSUE #3 - SENSE OF HUMOR

Cindy: In August 2008, "someone shook [Cindy McCain]'s hand very vigorously," aggravating her existing carpal tunnel syndrome condition and causing her to slightly sprain her wrist."


Michelle: "There’s Barack Obama the phenomenon. He’s an amazing orator, Harvard Law Review, or whatever it was, law professor, best-selling author, Grammy winner. Pretty amazing, right?"



ADVANTAGE AND MATCH: Michelle - Ok, she wasn't hysterical, but whining about carpal tunnel? No White House for you, Cindy.

"I'm Looking For a New Love, Baby...

...yeah, yeah, yeah" More Jody Whatley!

That song now will be in your head all day AHAHAHA!

Alas, I'm do not wish to discuss THAT kind of love - I am quite happy with Ms. Whitlow(no photo available at press time), thank you very much.

I am referring to when a young man's fancy turns to more heartbreaking stuff than male/female relationships - yes - soccer, futbol, football.

When all is right with the world, your club is winning, the sun shines, birds sing and your luxury sedan purrs with joy.

Then, out of nowhere, a few losses beget a few more losses. Panic sets in. Confidence is lost. A season which began with such promise and excitement ends on the last day of the season with (gulp)...

RELEGATION for Reading

What is a beau with no beauty in the English Premiership to do? I could follow her down to the lower division. However, I could not be with her every Sunday, as television here in the States regretfully does not pick up such games. Long distance relationships never work out. A break was best for the both of us. After a sizeable mourning period, I am now ready to move on. Several ladies have flashed their eyelashes at me and I have some decisions to make.

The Big 4 are out (goodbye Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, ManU) - imagine a Montreal Expos fan switching to the Yankees. Fan=sellout.

There's always Newcastle, the crazy ex-girlfriend. It would be fun for a awhile, no doubt. But the great sex would soon enough lead to her setting my clothes on fire in a drunken stupor and then puking all over my Playstation.

No, I narrowed my search down to two choices: Pompey and Villa. They both have much to recommend. Pompey is coming off a FA Cup title run. They still have a crusty English manager - few teams do anymore. Their stars are fun. Their jerseys are pretty sexy - blue tops and red socks -

yum, better than Rachel Weiss in black and white. And their name is fun to say - Pompey!

Aston Villa, on the other hand, has my favorite manager: Irish-tactician-Martin-O'Neill. This is all said as one word.

They also have fun stars: Gareth Berry-savior of England and Agbonlahor (how fun is that to say?). And, this is very important - a bald, American goalkeeper. My old love (sniff) also had a bald American goalkeeper. And since I'm trotting out all the lame love/sex euphemisms - the bald American goalkeeper thing works - ha-ha, tee-hee, whoa (snort).

Bald American Goalkeeper signs lame-o jersey

BUT, I couldn't really get over their lame-o maroon and powder blue jerseys and was leaning towards Pompey, when...

I found the new Villa jerseys online

SWEET!

SO, we were married last Tuesday. I think we'll be very happy together. For now.