What I learned in Chicago this weekend
1.) Puddles of slush may be MUCH deeper than they appear.
2.) You should wear socks in Chicago in February.
3.) You will wait in line in Chicago. What is cool and underground does not stay underground like in STL.
4.) Whatever crappy restaurant reviews that you receive, it will be surpassed by Italian beefs at Portillo's and anything in Chinatown.
5.) You don't see many pets running around in Chinatown - hmm, must be the weather.
6.) Gino's East sucks.
7.) Sicillian cab drivers believe that the Polish are hardworking drunks that will be ultimately unsuccessful in life because they are not dishonest.
8.) Sicillian cabbies should shut-the-fuck-up if they expect a tip from a Polish person.
9.) You should see Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind:
10.) Mexican dudes don't like when you yell, "Si se puede!" at them.
11.) Neither do Mexican chicas.
12.) What the hell, isn't Obama from Illinois?
13.) Girls can't be trusted to get movie times correct.
14.) They should put this sign on Michigan Avenue:
"We're consumers. Yeah. Okay, okay. Buy a lot of stuff, you're a good citizen. But if you don't buy a lot of stuff, if you don't, what are you then, I ask you? What? Mentally *ill*. Fact, if you don't buy things - toilet paper, new cars, computerized yo-yos, electrically-operated sexual devices, stereo systems with brain-implanted headphones, screwdrivers with miniature built-in radar devices, voice-activated computers..."
16.) Ai and Frontera are overrated (see Gino's East)
17.) A homeless guy in Cartharts by the Chicago River believes that Russian subs are off the Eastern seaboard ready to attack Atlanta, DC and NY.
18.) I believe him and so should you.